


Shattered Pieces

by kawaii_writer0w0



Category: Original Work
Genre: Affection, Boys In Love, Caretaking, Consensual, Consensual Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional, Established Relationship, Gay, Gay Male Character, Healing, Injury Recovery, Intimacy, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Men Crying, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Nudity, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Romance, Sad, Serious Injuries, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaii_writer0w0/pseuds/kawaii_writer0w0
Summary: Renley (18M) and Neal (19M) were a handsome new couple in Austin, TX, a very liberal and LGBTQIA+ friendly city in the US. They were best friends since they were kids and developed an incredibly intimate, affectionate and romantic kind of love. The kind that was sensual if not slightly possessive (Neal being the only one who was allowed to call him by his full name, "Renley"). One night when he was home alone, Ren found himself in a situation he never imagined...and it changed his life forever. With support from Neal, his mom, and a few loving friends he will struggle through the most difficult time of his entire life.(based on real events)
Relationships: Neal x Renley, Renley x Neal
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. That Night

**Author's Note:**

> My goal is for this story to feel real and painful yet wholesome. If you are triggered by topics involving rape, self harm or other traumas, please be careful!
> 
> Updates will be made every 1-2 weeks. Enjoy!

_"Ren...Renley..."_ A faint noise beckoned through the blackness as Ren's eyelids sluggishly bobbled up and down and he regained consciousness. He heard another faint and unfamiliar voice in the distance, _"help me lift him up...hold his legs...I've got his back."_

"Hngh... _ **AHH!"**_ His entire body exploded into a frenzy of throbbing pain as the EMTs transferred him from the bed to a stretcher and covered his naked, shivering body with a thin white blanket.

"Hn...Neal..." he managed to mumble although he was holding his breath in agony, frantically looking around the room for something, anything familiar.

"Neal..." he cried out again and began to sob through the panic.

"I'm right here, Renley. I'm right here," the comforting voice of his best friend of 9 years and boyfriend of 6 months, called out as an oxygen masked was being strapped over his nose and mouth.

"Try to breathe, okay?" Neal asked carefully, hearing the squeak of his choked-off breathes and watching his frail body struggle.

Despite his broken ribs, Ren tried his best to breathe but the stabbing pains that came with each inhale left him with a lack of desire to keep going. Blood sprayed the inside of the oxygen mask as he coughed and grabbed at his throat. Meanwhile, every bump on the way from the bedroom and out of his house to the ambulance was pure torture.

As the lack of oxygen began to blur his vision, he heard one last voice as they removed his mask: "we'll have to sedate him." Then almost immediately he blacked out again.

Neal sat beside him in the ambulance, struggling to keep his composure. The lump in his throat and boiling anger were practically choking him. As the EMT went to work administering some general anesthesia and an IV drip, Neal grabbed Ren's other hand and brought it up to his lips as he said a silent prayer despite being non-religious. Then, as hard as he had tried to hold it back, the tears started to pour, finally releasing the lump in his throat.

Upon arriving at the hospital, the EMT carted Ren off so a doctor and nurse could get to work assessing his injuries and tending to them.

"Please wait here. I'll have a doctor come and get you when he's ready for visitors," the EMT calmly told Neal, who looked like a deer in headlights at this point, eyes and nose puffy.

 _"Shit...I need to call Sarah..."_ he thought to himself, unsure of what to tell Ren's mom who was in the middle of her shift at work.

_"Should I wait...? No..."_

Neal resolved to make the call despite everything else and decided it would be best to tell her what happened when she arrived. He sank into a chair in the empty waiting room and dialed the number, hesitating before tapping the green phone icon.

"Hey Neal! What's up? I'm on my break right now," she answered cheerfully.

"Um..." he sighed, "Renley's in the hospital..." he said, bracing himself for her reply. It was quiet.

"...what? Wh-...what happened? Is he okay...?"

"Uh...I don't know yet. I'll tell you what happened when you get here," Neal said, his voice clearly wavering as he rested his forehead in his palm.

"No, you'll tell me now," she demanded. Neal could hear her already assembling her things and whispering to her boss that she there was an emergency and she needed to leave.

"Neal?" She asked through the silence, "this is my son we're talking about...please just tell me what happened. I can handle it."

He took a deep breath and made a snap decision to tell her _some_ of the truth.

"His dad came back after last night and beat him up...he's in rough shape...he called me after it happened and wasn't comfortable calling 911 so I did it for him. They just took him in to look at his injuries so I'm waiting to hear from the doctor..." He listened carefully as she took in a shaky breath and asked, "which hospital?"

"St. David's"

"I'll be there in 20 minutes," she said, hanging up immediately after.

When she arrived, Neal stood up and she immediately took him in a hug. Clearly she had been crying in the car, just like he did on the way over. She held onto him tightly, repeating "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"You don't need to apologize," Neal assured her, only managing to muster up a half-genuine sounding response.

"Um...something else happened too...and...I'm only telling you this because I don't want you to hear it from someone else and the EMTs had to know too..."

Sarah stood in front of him, terrified, as he stared at the floor, his face hot and heart pounding out of his chest.

"Larry...r-...raped him..."

He looked up at Sarah who seemed to be frozen in time. Without saying a word, she quickly turned, looking around the room and headed straight for the restroom. When she finally came out it was obvious she had thrown up.

Neal sat in his chair, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, forehead resting on his hands with fingers intertwined. Beside him, Sarah was sniffling. She draped her arms around his shoulder farthest from her, resting her head on the closest one and started to unleash another wave of tears. Through her sharp breathing she managed to say, "thanks for being there...for him...I'm glad you're here..."


	2. Injuries

An hour went by and there still wasn't any word from a doctor or nurse about Ren's condition. Neal was busy searching on the internet for answers as to what he could do to support his boyfriend, good therapists in the area, and the legal process involved with reporting this type of incident. He had at least given a statement including his perspective of the incident to the police, who mentioned that they'd be in touch about follow-up statements from Ren and anyone else involved. Meanwhile, his dad was nowhere to be found with a warrant out for his arrest.

A nurse came out from the one of the back rooms and stepped into the small waiting room, calling out, "Neal?" He and Sarah sprang up and followed the nurse to Ren's room. On the way over she asked what Sarah's relation to the patient was and let them know his condition overall was stable. A sigh of relief escaped both of them.

"He's unconscious right now, but should be waking up on his own within the hour. Right now we've got him on morphine and a mild muscle relaxer to keep him comfortable." The nurse continued with her status report which Neal and Sarah could hardly pay attention to upon seeing how battered Ren was, laying limp in the hospital bed and hooked up to machines. His reddish brown hair tussled above the bandages.

"I'll let you two have a few minutes and if you'd like, I can have the doctor come in and give you an overview of his injuries. We can wait until later but you'll have to be aware of them for when he's discharged..." 

"I'd like to know as soon as possible..." Sarah told the nurse, eager to know the extent of what her husband did to their son, wondering how far her newfound hatred could go.

"Okay I'll let Dr. Adams know." The nurse paused and added one final comment, "he'll be relieved to see you once he wakes up, so take it easy for now and buzz the red button right there as soon as he's awake."

"Thanks," Sarah said, glancing at Neal who was at a complete loss for words or emotions, eyes fixated on his battered body. She walked over and put a comforting hand on his back, "he's going to be fine. Renley's strong and he needs us right now so we have to be strong for him."

Despite her words, Neal slowly collapsed next to Ren's bed, rested his head on the covers and let out a muffled scream. He agreed, "I know, you're right. I'm just so angry right now...I don't know what to do with myself..."

Sarah pulled up the small couch from under the window so they could both sit by Ren and wait for him to wake up. She draped an arm around Neal, as if he was her own son, and rubbed his shoulder, choking down her own tears and offering the best piece of advice she could think of:

"He needs to feel like he's in control, so focus on asking questions that have clear answers and making sure we get him feeling better physically. If he wants to talk, we'll be there to listen. Try to think of some happy memories we've all had and keep your own mental state in check so we can support him. You and I can worry about ourselves later."

Neal absorbed her words, staring at Ren who was wrapped carefully in blankets and gauze. His ankle was in a cast, head wrapped in bandages and face dotted with tiny strips of tape mixed in with various cuts and bruises. All the blood had been cleaned away, leaving fresh wounds that would eventually turn into scars. Suddenly an image of Ren flashed in the forefront of his mind: a gentle smile resting on his lips as he cuddled up to Neal and slept soundly without a care in the world. He wondered if that would still be possible after all this...

The doctor walked in a few minutes later and approached the two of them carefully. He looked like a compassionate, thoughtful man who had seen a lot as an ER doctor. He held a clipboard under one arm, introduced himself and extended a handshake to Sarah and then to Neal. He pulled up a chair to sit across from them and glanced at Ren to make sure he was still asleep. Neal got up from the floor and sat next to Sarah on the little couch beside the bed.

Speaking delicately, the doctor began rattling off the inventory of Ren's injuries and needs. 

"Let's address the elephant in the room first...do you both know everything that happened to him earlier tonight?"

Sarah and Neal exchanged a decisive glance and looked back at the doctor, nodding in agreement.

"Right. So, we've administered PEP which is a medicine that should prevent him from contracting HIV in the event his attacker could've transferred it to him. We'll do another check in a couple weeks to make sure that was effective," he continued to keep his tone of voice low and careful, obviously taking Neal and Sarah's emotions into account with all the news he was breaking.

"Our EMTs told me he hasn't been very coherent up to this point, so he may not know that anyone's aware of everything that happened beyond getting beat up. So, I find with victims of sexual abuse it's best not to mention anything until _they_ do. We don't need to make it apparent that we know, but we shouldn't deny it either. There are a few therapists who specialize in this type of thing that I'd urge him to go see, but since he's 18 he gets to make that decision on his own, so it's best not to pressure him to go to therapy, or to press charges for that matter. I know it's frustrating but both of those decisions are his to make." 

Sarah and Neal both started getting teary-eyed with the realization of the battle ahead of them. Dr. Adams already had a box of tissues in hand ready to go. He lent the box to them and continued.

"Bare with me...I just want to let you know what injuries he has and when you'll be able to get him home," he stated and they nodded.

"I'll just read from the list I have here: 2 broken ribs, severely sprained ankle but not broken, 3 fractured fingers in his right hand and a fractured cheekbone. The last and most severe physical injury is a concussion which will likely cause seizures or memory loss based on what I could see in his MRI. I don't want to medicate him for anything without him actually showing signs, but we'll keep a careful eye on it to make sure." The doctor could tell all of this information was wearing them down as the tears started flowing faster, so he continued with something positive.

"Now for the good news," he said, setting his clipboard down in his lap and leaning in to speak quieter and more carefully still, "he has no internal bleeding, no damage to any major organs and should make a full recovery within a few months," he stated with a gentle smile as he watched relief wash over them.

"I'd like him to stay in the hospital for at least 5 days so we can monitor his brain activity and make sure his body's got enough strength and energy to prevent further injuries to his already-fragile ligaments." 

"Thanks Dr. Adams, I appreciate everything you've done," Sarah said, wiping her nose with a tissue, her voice shaking.

"I know everything seems overwhelming right now, so just take one thing at a time, one day at a time. And, here are some books I always recommend that friends and family of survivors read as soon as possible. This one should help you wrap your head around what he's going through although every situation is unique," he said, and pointed to the top one on a list of books he wrote on a sticky note and handed it to Sarah.

"Thank you so much," she replied once again as he respectfully left the room.


	3. Character Context

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few things to note so far to help give visual context.
> 
> FYI, the events in this story are loosely based on real events. The loosely part is because I wasn't there for a lot of this, so I'm running with the way I think they'd act and what they would say since I do know these people in real life. Yes, the story uses their real names because I'm willing to bet NO ONE they know is on this site and if they are, the chances of them reading this are slim to none. 
> 
> Currently, Ren is at a stage in his recovery where he wanted to read a fanfic-type story of the events that have happened to help make it more out-of-body and I love to write and adore the shit out of him and Neal, so of course I agreed to do it ^-^.

This is [Song Taekyung](https://imgur.com/a/QaaX5BH) from Love or Hate (amazing manhwa from Lezhin.com). It's the closest I've come to finding a character that looks like the Neal I know and love in real life xD. He's seriously gorgeous... maybe not this "pretty," but the facial structure is very similar, dirty blonde hair with a more serious look on his face most of the time. He had a pretty rough upbringing and his family is not on board with his sexual orientation. He's quite protective of Renley and sorta gives people this look if they get too close, if you know what I mean XD.

Honestly, it was pretty hard to find a character that looked anything like [Renley](https://imgur.com/a/xEMtMuR) and the closest I could find also happened to be from Love or Hate but I'm not even sure what the character's name is. I was reading this recently and this character is in 1 scene and I immediately had that "a-ha!" moment. I did add some freckles in my photo editing software for consistency because Ren has them in real life! Also his hair is a bit more red than this, but hey, you get what you get lol. He also wears glasses sometimes and is freaking adorable :3.

[Ren's mom Sarah](https://imgur.com/a/EAUkCQp) looks pretty basic, lolz. She works 3 different jobs and looks super sweet but has a real feisty side to her! She and Ren have always had an extremely close relationship and she's supportive of everything he and Neal do. Her face is a bit more...slim(?) in person, but eh this was close enough :].


	4. Waking Up

The same scene kept playing through Neal's head like a broken tape.

Pushing past the EMTs and police to get to the guest room where Ren was suffering. He told them he was the one who called 911 and they let him through. He walked up to his boyfriend, lying on the bed, naked, shivering, covered in blood, sweat, bruises and a slew of other substances.

"What the fuck?" he whispered under his breath, "why the hell is he not covered up?" he said firmly and covered his body with the comforter.

"We were just assessing his injuries before trying to move him..."

He argued irrationally, "you can do that at the hospital- " but was cut off by a long, pained cry escaping the lips of his beloved who's face was cringed and tense.

_"-ngh-...-nnn-...-hmm-..."_

Neal leaned down so he could be face-to-face with Ren and try to comfort him somehow. He felt as though nothing he could do would be good enough. He wanted to wrap him in his arms and steal him away from this world but at the very least he knew touching him was off limits. All he could do was call out to him in hopes he'd feel better in his company: "Renley...Renley I'm here...It's Neal...can you hear me?" His eyes opened under furrowed brows, just enough to show some color as they slid shut once again.

"Hello in there?" Sarah asked, waving a hand in front of Neal's face, sitting beside him at the hospital. It had grown dark outside the window as they waited for Ren to wake up.

"Do you want anything from the cafeteria? I'm starving..." Sarah asked, snapping Neal out of the trance he was in.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks though."

She stood up, put a hand gently on Ren's leg and told him, "don't wake up while I'm gone."

Neal half hoped he would so they could have a second alone; he worried it would be disorienting to see too many people at once. After she was gone for a few minutes, Neal began to fidget.

 _"Why do I feel so lonely...just wake up already..."_ he thought to himself.

Just then he glanced up to see Ren's eyes fluttering gently in the light from the table lamp. His head swayed sluggishly towards the door and then back towards Neal.

 _"-huff-....."_ he sighed, "what-...what's happening...?" Ren asked as he tried to blink the exhaustion from his eyes unsuccessfully.

"You're in the hospital Renley," Neal said in an almost too-gentle kind of tone. Ren's breathing was labored even though a tube of oxygen was situated under his nostrils. Watching him struggle reminded Neal that he was supposed to push the call button as soon as Ren woke up. He pushed it and dragged the couch a little closer to the bed.

"...am...I okay?" he mumbled in a weak, airy voice, closing his eyes to the sensitive light.

"Yeah. You're gonna be fine. Just some cuts and bruises..." Neal said, wondering if he should be more honest. Ren's face was flush with pink and red, his forehead began to sweat and his body was almost _too_ limp. Even though it was painful, he didn't want to take his eyes off of Ren even for a second; he felt the need to imprint this image into his mind because that was the least he could do to make up for the suffering he must've gone through.

The nurse finally came in with a mobile cart and said with a smile, "hey Renley, how are you feeling?"

"Um..." he paused, looking unsure and guilty about something.

Neal interjected: "you can call him Ren," and his expression immediately softened since Neal said it for him.

"No problem! I'm just gonna take your temperature," she asked as she pointed a small temperature gun at his forehead and it beeped, reading "101.4."

"You've got a bit of a fever, but that's no problem. We'll get it down in no time," she reassured them. "Are feeling any pain or discomfort?"

Neal watched, breathlessly, wanting to throw her out of the room and ask Ren what the hell happened at the house. He wanted to know; he needed to know how he felt about it. Was he ashamed? Embarrassed? Did he even remember what happened? There was no sense of how to approach Ren without knowing, but he wouldn't dare ask any of those questions.

Meanwhile, Ren turned his head toward Neal and averted his eyes towards the floor, tears welling up as he contemplated his response to the nurse's question.

 _"Embarrassed...he's embarrassed to say something..."_ Neal leaned in close to Ren and whispered in his ear: "do you want to tell me first and I can tell her?"

He backed away to see Ren's response as the faint beeping of his heart monitor picked up the pace. He shook his head as a look of resolve washed over him and he bravely stated, "I want to take a shower..."

Neal's heart sank...of course he wanted to take a shower. Of course he'd want to wash the violation from his body as quickly as possible. How did he not think of that before? His feelings of inadequacy grew stronger.

"Okay," the nurse started, "I think we can make that happen. Though, for safety reasons, a nurse will need to be nearby. Would that be okay with you?"

Ren had already begun to grow attached to this nurse based on how kind she sounded and how she sort of reminded him of his aunt. Even so, he wasn't sure if he was ready to expose himself to her, let alone anyone else. He looked solemnly to the floor again, the wheels churning in his head.

"Um...could Neal do it?"

Startled by this request, Neal chimed in immediately, turned to the nurse and said, "if it's okay with you then I'll gladly do it."

"Hmm..." she pondered, "how about if I stand right outside the door and that way if anything happens, you can call me right away?"

Ren eagerly nodded as she added a final comment, "if **_anything_** happens or if you're experiencing any discomfort, I'll come in and make sure you're taken care of. You can cover up with a robe before I come in if that helps."

"Yeah...thank you," Ren mumbled, his heart rate coming back down to a normal pace as his mind latched onto this little piece of stability and structure.

"I'll go get some supplies so you can get cleaned up. In the meantime, we've got you on a small dose of morphine to help manage any pain you could be feeling. Would you like me to increase the dose or switch to a different type of medicine before we start?"

"No, I feel okay for now..."

"I'm glad," the nurse said with a smile, "what kind of shampoo would you like? We have the minty kind or the fruity kind."

"Hm...the minty one I guess."

"Okay! I'll be right back."

Just as the nurse finished saying all of this, Neal thought back to Sarah's advice: _"He needs to feel like he's in control...ask questions that have clear answers..."_ He realized this is what she was doing with each question; carefully and intentionally. Her dialogue was easy; it didn't put too much pressure on him.

 _"I don't know if I can do that..."_ he wondered silently, feeling an awkward vibe creep into the room as the nurse stepped out.

Neal was itching to ask so many questions, but decided something needed to be cleared up before proceeding. So, he sat on the edge of Ren's bed and asked, "Renley...is it okay if I touch you?"

"Well you'll have to...." he replied shyly.

"No I mean...in general. Do you think it would be okay if I held your hand for a minute?"

Ren thought about this for a second and came back with a non-conclusive answer, "I don't know..."

Neal sighed silently and decided to approach it more directly. He sat on the floor next to Ren's bed and carefully placed his hand over Ren's.

"...does this make you anxious?"

A long pause followed his question as Ren closed his eyes and took a deep breath before finally replying, "no...it's nice..."

"...what about this...?" Neal looked Ren in the eyes with concern and compassion; reaching into the core of his soul. He gently rested the back of his hand on Ren's forehead, feeling the heat radiating off of it and all the tension instantly lifted from his face.

 _"-huu-..."_ Ren sighed as his eyes rolled gently back, his eyelids floating shut.

"It feels good," he whispered.

A sense of relief washed over Neal as he felt confident in his approach so far. He smoothed his thumb over the sweat gathering on Ren's forehead and decided that was enough questions for a while. Since his hand absorbed so much heat, he switched to his other hand, carding his fingers gently through the fringe tickling his forehead and stroking his thumb softly back and forth.

"I love you, Renley."


	5. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: it's about to get physical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter starts with a flashback)

Neal smoothed his hands over Ren's waist and down to his hips, grabbing onto them and sweetly thrusting into him.

 _"-hn- -hng- -nn- -mmmm-"_ Ren, on his hands and knees, couldn't control the vulgar moans escaping his throat.

Neal could see the muscles rolling just beneath Ren's skin, driving him to the next level of arousal; the way his body was toned just enough from soccer. Still thrusting, his boyfriend squeaked out, _"-hn-...Neal...I'm...-huff- -hnn-nn-_...slower... _-UGH-_...H- **YES!"**

Neal picked up the pace, enjoying the sound of their bodies slapping together and reaching around to feel the pulse of his boyfriend climaxing onto the sheets. Squelching, in, then out, he slowed his rhythm to let Ren catch his breath, his head resting on the pillow beneath him as he panted.

"I'm sorry... _-huff-_ you can keep going... _-huff-_ so you can finish too..."

Neal answered, "it's okay. I know you're extra sensitive afterwards...I can take care of it later..."

"Come here," Ren insisted, pulling himself off from his boyfriend's skewer and turning around to finish him off with his hand.

"Ren... _-hng-_ y-...you don't have to..." Neal struggled to convince himself of his own words through this intoxicating, wet slurry.

Not a minute later, he finished in Ren's hand and they both stumbled to the bathroom to clean up, Neal's gaze fixated on his boyfriend's small yet sculpture-like body. He went back to the bedroom and called back at Ren, "when's your mom getting home?"

"She shouldn't be back for another couple hours," he yelled from the bathroom.

"Then, don't get dressed yet."

"Why?" Ren asked.

"I wanna cuddle...naked,"

Neal watched, amused as his boyfriend's face turn pink, sauntering into the bedroom, still slightly out of breath.

"But it's cold..." Ren argued, nipples stiff and hard from the cool air surrounding them.

"So come here then," Neal replied with a playful wink, jumping in bed and holding up the covers invitingly.

Ren smirked and tucked himself neatly along his boyfriend's muscular body, the body of a football player. They laid side by side, facing each other, Neal's hand draped around Ren's back and gently rubbing up and down.

"Mmm...don't stop," Ren demanded, letting his eyes relax shut. Neal's other hand sneaked up to take Ren's face in his palm and softly swept his thumb across the freckles on his cheekbone.

Their lips met...slow and warm, Ren tilting his head to deepen the kiss and letting Neal's tongue explore its familiar territory. Another wave of tingling heat surged into their bellies and down through their legs.

 _"-hnnn-..."_ Ren let out a whispy moan as they made out, drowning in this lingering, hot and heavy buzz.

Neal broke the kiss, feeling a wetness on his lips which was intrinsically _Renley_. They stared into each other's eyes and although it didn't need to be said out loud, Neal let out a satisfied sigh and said:

"I love you, Renley."

This memory came to Neal in a hasty flash as he repeated those same words to his boyfriend in the hospital. His mom barreled in, setting her food on the table and sinking down on the couch next to his bed. A look of terror grew on his face as his mom sat across from him, speechless. Being the nurturing kind, he knew what she must be thinking and wanted to squash her fears. So, he tried to think of what to say as she stared back at him with wide eyes.

"Mom," he said with a kind-hearted tone in his voice, "it's not your fault."

She immediately broke into tears and told him, "you shouldn't be consoling me..." He knew that was her way of saying thank you.

Just then the nurse came back with a few supplies to allow him to shower and she explained the plan to Sarah, who kindly left the room with her dinner.

"Neal, I'll help you get him into the washroom and then I'll sit right outside the door, so if something happens, yell or knock and I'll come in," the nurse continued with a wink, "the walls are pretty thick, so if y'all need to talk about anything while you're in there, you'll have some privacy."

"Thanks..." Neal mumbled, scared that he might end up accidentally hurting Ren somehow.

The nurse detached a couple of wires and the oxygen tubes so they could stand him up and help him to the washroom. They lowered him onto the bench in the shower and the nurse handed Neal some soap, a sponge, and a large plastic bag to wrap his foot cast in.

Speaking directly to Ren, she said "I'm gonna to take some of your bandages off, but don't run too much water over the stitches on your head and ribs. Okay?"

"Mhm..." he replied, wincing slightly from the discomfort of moving so soon after waking up. The lights and tiles on the floor and walls felt colder than the brisk winter air. Everything smelled overly sanitized and stale, making Ren's nose itch.

"Okay, that should be it," the nurse said, removing the last bandage that was wrapped around his head.

"Try to use the sponge as much as possible and just use the running water to rinse."

"Thanks. Wait, what's your name?" Neal asked.

"Oh sorry! My name is Kate," she said with a smile and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.


	6. Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the previous chapter before 5/29/20, you may want to go back and re-read the last couple paragraphs before continuing since the shower scene has been extended. <3

An awkward wave of silence permeated through the bathroom as Neal set the soap and sponge on the edge of the bench and rolled up his sleeves. Ren was shivering even with his hospital gown draped over him. Pulling the strings carefully and slowly, Neal rested one hand on Ren's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him somehow. He turned the faucet on and the water was instantly hot against the cold tile floor. It cut through the silence and began filling the room with a warm layer of steam. Neal leaned down in front of Ren and slid the hospital gown off of his arms, letting it rest in his lap before going further.

"Do you want me to take it all the way off?" he asked.

Ren, staring down at the floor expressionless, nodded in agreement and leaned over to one side so he could bring the gown out from under his legs. After removing the gown completely, Neal took Ren's forearms and placed them gently in his lap over his groin with his palms facing up. Ren looked down at his hands as if acknowledging that this was more comfortable than seeing his exposed body between his legs.

Neal diverted the water into the detachable shower head and said, "let me know if this is too hot or if you feel any pain, okay?" to which Ren nodded again.

Starting with his shoulders and back, the least injured parts of his body, Neal stood behind Ren and ran the hot water over his skin, slowly waving it back and forth from one shoulder blade to the other. Ren let out a long sigh of relief and hunched forward, hanging his head in front of him. Neal grabbed the bottle of soap on the bench just within his reach and squirted some onto the sponge. He went to work washing his body, avoiding the sensitive areas that were cut or bruised. He couldn't run water over everything but managed to keep a steady stream on some part of his body at all times to keep him from shivering.

Ren was quiet the whole time and Neal watched carefully with each new movement he introduced. Once he was done washing Ren's upper body, he stood in front of him and wondered, _"should I ask if he wants to clean everything else himself?"_ He contemplated in the silent room, growing more hot with each passing minute.

"Renley?" he asked. His boyfriend looked up at him with a mixture of panic and a sad puppy in his eyes; a look which quickly dissipated as his eyes locked onto Neal's.

"I want to rinse off your lower body...is that okay?" he asked delicately, Ren's eyes bobbling towards the floor.

"...mhm," he agreed with some hesitation.

Neal had been thinking about how to approach this area all along and decided it would be best to run water over his genitals so they didn't have to be handled. He couldn't stand the thought of Ren sitting there alone, trying to scratch all the sin from himself only to damage his skin. Keeping the stream of water cascading down his back, Neal moved Ren's left hand so it could rest on the bench. He brought the water around to the front so it was gently showering between his legs. Then, he placed Ren's right hand onto his own and said, "you can help...if you want..."

Something in Ren's eyes lit up and Neal couldn't quite tell what was going through his head, but he though it best not to ask. Ren took him up on the offer and held onto Neal's wrist, guiding the water above his genitals and holding it there for a minute. His gaze followed their hands as he guided the water down to his legs. Kneeling down in front of him, Neal let him control each motion and looked to the side so as not to add pressure to the situation. Finally, Ren spoke up.

"I can't get the back...since I'm sitting..."

"Here, hold onto me," Neal said, placing one of Ren's arms around his shoulder and neck. Feeling Ren grip weakly onto him, he stood up and reached around to spray the water in between his butt cheeks. Ren pressed his face into his bicep. His brows furrowed as he let out an involuntary whimper and winced in pain. Immediately, Neal turned the water away but Ren interrupted: "don't..." So, he let the water do its job despite the pain his boyfriend was fighting through.

After a minute or two, Ren finally said, "okay," indicating he was ready to sit back down. Neal lowered him onto the bench and said, "if you can tilt your head back I'll wash your hair." Ren did as he was instructed and Neal let the warm water flow through his locks blissfully, smoothing his bangs back. Ren tilted his head back further so his face was caught in the water's stream. At that moment, he looked more content than he had since arriving at the hospital. Neal shampooed his hair, carefully avoiding the stitches lodged in the back of his head. He rinsed the soap out, giving Ren one more moment of peace before shutting the water off. He knelt down, looked up at Ren and softly said, "I think I got everything clean...do you need some time alone?"

An emotionless expression began to creep its way back onto Ren's face as he replied, "I don't know...I'm just...cold..."

Neal grabbed a towel from the hook nearby and dried his boyfriend's body, carefully and methodically blotting any cuts or bruises; wiping away the residue of corruption and violence.

He helped him stand up, draped his hospital gown back over his body and placed an arm around his shoulders to help him walk.

"I'm sure we can do it again tomorrow or the next day...it'll be something to look forward to."

Ren almost looked content at this suggestion, but quickly began to shiver as Neal opened the bathroom door and the frigid air blasted in.

"How'd it go?" the nurse asked.

"Pretty well I think. He's cold though...would you be able to grab a heated blanket for him?"

"Sure thing," Kate said as she went off to fulfill his request. Neal pulled the covers back and cautiously lowered him down onto the bed. When Kate returned with the heated blanket, Neal wafted it over Ren's body, tucking him in on every side and placing a small towel around his head to help his hair dry and warm. Kate began hooking him back up to his IV and monitoring machines. Meanwhile his eyes gradually became heavier as the world around him grew hazy and he fell into a restful sleep.


End file.
